Ten Ways For A Better Balanced Single Parent Life

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by all the things you have on your to-do list? With all that Parenting entails, career, family, social service, self, and doing it alone as a single parent, the tasks can get out of control. Seems like the more I do, the more there is left on the to-do list. Finding balance can be a challenge. Below are ways to take the pressures of life and get them into order and under control.

1. Circle of Life – A great way to see where your life may be out of balance is to create a Circle of life chart. Draw a circle and dissect it like a pie. At each spoke write down a different aspect of your life. My circle has work, family, self, social service, finance, and health. Then rate each item from one to 10. 1 is the least amount of balance of that aspect and 10 the most. Put a dot on the circle where you have rated each aspect. Connect the dots. Is your circle fairly round? Or are there places where it is flat? Those are the areas to focus on.

2.Kick off Questions - Ask yourself the following questions. The answers will help you schedule your time and round out the balance of your life. What has been working in your life? What hasn’t? Why? What do you plan to do? What relationships make you doubt yourself or are crazy making? Which relationships encourage you to be your best? What are you going to focus on in the next day, next week, 3 months?

3.Morning Journal - Every morning when I get up I take three pieces of paper and write. Whatever comes to mind, I write it down. I’ve found out some interesting things about myself. If I write something I want to keep, I’ll circle it and keep writing. When I’m done with the three pages, I’ll transfer the items I’ve circled on to my to-do list.

4.Talk to someone who’s already been there done that. Talking to someone who has been through what you are going through, helps one’s perspective. For example, toilet training battles and the car key issues seem more manageable when you have someone who can tell you, “They are all potty trained by the time they are 18 and letting the kids drive gives you something to take away when needed.”

5.Activity of your own - I know you think your list of things to do is too long. However, when you spend some time doing what you like, you get re-energized to tackle the other things that might not be as much fun. I told each of my children that they could have an activity. I told them I would have one too. In our family that meant there were 4 activities to schedule. I set the expectation that sometimes the activities may conflict and a decision would need to be made about which one would be done. This actually didn’t happen often and when it did, the kids helped find solutions to the conflict.

6.100 things to do – Make a list of 100 things you want to do. Don’t edit the list, it is important to write down what you want so you can start to focus on making it happen. You may need to find some creative ways to do them and that will be part of the fun. Ask your kids what they’d like to do. And let them help with the planning.

7.Big things first – Now begin to block off your calendar. Put the big items first, that way they will be sure to get done. If you and your family will be taking some time off this year for a vacation, decide when and where you want to go. Now you can be sure to ask for the time off, and set aside the money needed in plenty of time. Fill in when the activities are scheduled. Then fill in other items.

8.Body, mind and soul – As you are making your lists and creating your calendar, make sure to include things to improve your body, mind and soul. These items can be done on your own, with your children, or with friends.

9.Decide to – One of the most important things involved with balancing your life it to make the decision. If you look at your life and say, “I can’t”. You’ll be right. If you decide you want to make some changes, you will be more likely to do so.

10.Create a new life – It has been said that it takes from 30-90 days to create a new habit. That is 1-3 months time. Wow, if you are feeling out of balance today, you can use some of these steps to have a better balance. In 3 months time, stop and take a look at the changes you have made and the effect they have had on your life.


Source: Laura c. Ries (ArticleDashboard.com)

Read more

Advantages of Being a Single Parent

The advantages of being a single parent are not as obvious as the disadvantages, yet such advantages do exist. Parenting with another adult requires cooperation, consensus and compromise. Single parents often make all major decisions independent of another's influence or desires. Single parents also understand the value of all aspects of parenting because they must wear all the hats.

History

Single parents are not just the result of unsuccessful relationships or divorce. Single parents can be created through widowhood, adoption, unplanned pregnancy and other life-altering situations. Single parenting received wide-spread focus during the 1980s and 1990s, highlighting differences between single parents and divorced parents. The studies focused on the rising number of single-parent versus dual-parent homes. According to "Psychology Today," those numbers jumped from 1 in 2 to 2 out of 3 families that were single parents or never-wed parents versus the more traditional model of family. Psychologists studied the effects of the single-parent home model on children including, but not limited to, their drop-out rate from school, their chances of becoming a single parent themselves and their likelihoods of success. Conservative studies found that children of single parents performed lower on average than children of two-parent homes, but factors like economic status, educational opportunities and supportive child care were not taken into account.

Significance

Single parents enjoy the freedom to make decisions based on their own ethical, moral and cultural upbringing without interference or input from another that may conflict with their own ideas. While they are responsible for their child's academic and religious upbringing, they can make decisions based on their own needs, desires and want for their child without considering the desires, needs and wants of another person. These advantages of being a single parent are often counterbalanced by the burden of responsibility associated with raising a child alone.

Function

Single parents become extremely self-reliant and superior time managers because they can rely on no one else to accomplish what needs to be done, except for themselves. As a direct result of this need to succeed, single parents often provide their children with a model of excellence in self-reliance, independence and responsibility. Children of single parents learn to manage for themselves, rapidly taking over general tasks like housework (See Resources). "Psychology Today" cites a study by the American Journal of Community Psychology that reveals low-income single mothers are more likely to be open about life's harsh realities, income and what their kids can do to help Mom than a traditional two-parent home in which the parents will seek to protect their children from life's harsh realities. Children of single parents become defacto partners in the family success and are more likely to participate.

Types

While some may not see a child's self-reliance and ability to perform household tasks as an advantage to single parenting, the relationship between child and parent is another type of advantage. Single parents are not competing with the child's other parent for attention, respect or likability. They are not weighed and measured, then played off against the other parent. Single parents do not face the inevitable, "But Mommy (or Daddy) said ..." Children of single parents are also not confronted with competition from another adult. When Mom or Dad comes home, they get their parent's attention and the time spent between the two is valued. "Psychology Today" finds that it is typical for children of single parents to feel like their confidantes and that it encourages the children to confide in their parent, as well.

Warning

The most difficult part of being a single parent is the feeling of loneliness that may accompany facing life's challenges without the backup of another adult. The temptation to make the child a partner in her own upbringing is very strong. Some single parents may put their children in the position of acting like mini-adults without realizing it. According to "Psychology Today," single mothers will receive more support from their daughters than they would have from a husband, and that's OK (See Resources). Single-parent networks can provide social and moral support that can reduce the temptation to treat children like adults.

Source: eHow Editor

Read more

Effects Of Single Parenting On Education

It is mothers who have a positive impact and influence in the lives of their children. It does not make any difference whether they are single parents or not. A study on this aspect has found that in the case of a single parent it does not have any negative impact on the behavior or educational performance of the children especially those who are on the brink of being labeled adolescents.

The study says that what mattered most was the mother's education and her ability level and less importance was given to family income and quality of home environment. The study found consistent links between maternal attributes and a child's school performance and behavior.

It was earlier believed that children coming from single parent homes would not have spectacular performances in school and these children would have tremendous difficulty in completing their education successful. But all these theories have been negated by this recent study which shows that single parents exert a positive influence in the lives of their children especially when it comes to education.

The study goes on to show that the presence of favorable maternal characteristics like education and positive approach to child expectations have never been a risk factor when it comes to the child's performance in Mathematics, Reading or Vocabulary or even behavioral problems.

Past research has shown that children from single parent families tend to lead a less healthy lifestyle than children from normal families. The research also indicated that children growing up with single parents are more likely to drop out of school as the single parent would find it difficult to fund the child's expensive education. Child care is one of the major expenditures for a single parent. Providing housing, clothing, food and education has a major impact on a single parent's income.

But children who have been brought up with tender loving care and with the right parenting even if it is by a single parent has always had a positive influence on a child's behavior. This child of a single parent grows up responsibility and knows the value of education which the single parent is trying to provide with great difficulty. These children work hard and learn how to fund themselves with the help of scholarships and tuition fees etc.

Of course there are cases where the children of single parents have dropped out of schools but this far less in number. Most of the children of responsible single parents turn out into well developed adults in life.

Source: healthy status

Read more

Positive Effects of Single Parenting
Concepts Every Single Parent Needs to Keep in Mind

You might not often think of being a single parent family as a bonus for your kids. There have been many sacrifices along the way, and plenty of times when you wished things were different. However, there are some positive effects of single parenting that you should bear in mind as you raise your children:

Positive Effect of Single Parenting #1: Developing Strong Bonds

Spending quality one-on-one time with your kids allows you to develop a unique bond that may actually be stronger than it would have been if you were not a single parent. Certainly this is true for many custodial parents, but it's also true for a number of non-custodial parents who have the opportunity to play a unique role in their kids' lives.

• Never diminish the importance of your role.
• Realize if your bond isn't where you want it to be today, you can work to strengthen it.
• Your connection with your children won't end when they turn 18; the bond will continue to evolve into your children's adult years.

Positive Effect of Single Parenting #2: Experiencing Community

We're all familiar with the phrase "It takes a village to raise a child." Well, children raised in single parent families are often raised by a village of supporters. In many cases, members of the extended family will step up and play a significant role in the children's lives. Those single parents who don't live near family may choose to participate in community groups - including single parent support groups, churches, and synagogues - which champion the entire family.

• Join a single parent support group
• Seek out civic groups that will help you plug in to your local community.
• Get involved in your child's school.

Positive Effect of Single Parenting #3: Shared Responsibilities

Children raised in single parent families don't just have "token" chores to do in order to earn an allowance. Instead, their contribution to the entire family system is necessary. The authentic need for their assistance helps the children recognize the value of their contribution and develop pride in their own work.

• Praise your kids for helping out around the home.
• Let them know you recognize their efforts.
• Expect them to contribute and be specific when asking them to help out.

Positive Effect of Single Parenting #4: Handling Conflict and Disappointment

Children in single parent families witness conflict mediation skills in action. They get to see their parents working hard - despite their differences - to collaborate and work together effectively. In addition, the children are forced to deal with their own disappointments early in life.

• Respond with your kids' disappointment with support, encouragement, and empathy.
• View these experiences as valuable growth opportunities, helping them become sensitive, empathetic, caring adults.
• You can't always prevent your children from feeling sad or disappointed, but you can help them to express and cope with their emotions

Positive Effect of Single Parenting #5: Seeing Real-Life, Balanced Priorities

Children who are raised in successful single parent families know that they are the main priority in their parents' lives, yet they are not treated as though they are the center of everyone's universe. This healthy approach helps to prepare kids for the "real world."

• Help your children balance their own needs/wants with the needs of the entire family unit.
• Realize that it's okay for you as the parent to pursue needs of your own, such as the need for alone time or adult conversation.
• Teach your kids to express their needs while also considering the needs of others.

Source : Jennifer Wolf (About.com)

Read more

5 Single-Parenting Mistakes -- and How to Fix Them

Here are the five most common single-parent missteps and how to resolve them


Mistake No. 1: Trying to compensate for absent parent

The fix: Quit trying! "Single parents often feel guilty that there isn't another parent in the house," says Barry G. Ginsberg, Ph.D., director of The Center of Relationship Enhancement in Doylestown, Pa., and author of 50 Wonderful Ways to Be a Single-Parent Family (New Harbinger, 2003). "It's natural to feel guilty, but you don't have to compensate or take action because of the guilt."

When parents feel guilty, they try to compensate by overdoing it — showering children with toys and gadgets, meting out punishment less often or providing less structure. All of which is a disservice to the child — and to you. "When you feel guilty, you under-parent your kids by giving in to them more often than you should," says James H. Bray, Ph.D., a professor at Baylor College of Medicine and director of Baylor Family Counseling Clinic in Houston. "The vast majority [of children in single-parent households] do just as well academically and socially as children with two parents at home."

Mistake No. 2: Not having a life of your own

The fix: "It's very important that you get your adult needs met," Bray says. "If you don't, you'll be a less effective parent." You need to make time for hobbies, dating, friends and exercise. Otherwise, you may feel frustrated and resentful — emotions that can sap your energy, mentally and physically. To find that elusive time, Bray suggests that you:

> Ask family members, friends and neighbors to spend time with your child

> Form a "babysitting share" with three to four other families. On a Friday night, for example, one family can host all the kids at their home for pizza and movies, while the next Friday, it's another parent's turn, etc. The upshot: You get three to four free nights a month!

> Find a mentoring program. The Big Brothers Big Sisters program is one option, though in many big cities there are long waiting lists for mentors. (Go to www.bbbs.org to find an agency in your area.) So also check out churches or synagogues, many of which offer mentoring programs as well as sports, crafts and other activities for children.

Mistake No. 3: Overscheduling your kids

The fix: Resist the urge. Time management is a lot harder when there's just one of you. Planning soccer, piano, playdates and birthday parties so that they mesh with your work and family schedule is daunting.

"Overscheduling puts pressure on everybody," Bray says. When your child is around age 6 or 7, talk to him about prioritizing. This means explaining to your child the reality of resources (namely money and time) and that, as a family, you have to make choices. For example, tell your child that she can do karate or basketball, and ask her to choose. This will teach her about making responsible choices and give you some valuable family time together.

Mistake No. 4: Using your child as agent with other parent

The fix: Keep them out of your personal problems. Sharing custody can be prickly, especially if the breakup was contentious. Sometimes, Mom and Dad are at such odds that they use the child to make statements to one another. Big mistake. "Do not have your children act in coalition with you," Ginsberg advises. "They may have enough trouble [from the breakup] already, and it's not fair to burden them. Parents need to work out a plan.

" Although you and your co-parent may have different values (there's a reason you broke up, right?), you must find a way to work together for the sake of your child. If necessary, seek help from a third party such as a mediator or counselor. "Chances are you won't be as angry and hurt, and you'll be able to build a working relationship with the other parent," Ginsberg says. For instance, if getting homework done at Dad's house seems to be a mission impossible, get the school involved. Dad will likely be more open to the recommendations of your child's teacher or principal than he is to yours.

Mistake No. 5: Involving kids in too many adult relationships

The fix: Delay introductions. If you go through a series of romantic relationships and introduce your child to each partner, it's going to be difficult on the kid. "Wait until you know there's a possibility of a long-term relationship" before making the introduction, Bray cautions. "If you involve them in too many adult relationships, they will go through multiple losses.

" Also remember that you are your child's model for adult conduct. If you have one-night stands or go through a series of partners in a short time, and your child knows all of this is happening, you're essentially telling him it's acceptable. "Whatever you do in front of your children, gives them the message that this is proper behavior," Bray says.

Source: Revolution Health Group

Read more

Common struggles of single-parent households


There was time in the not too distant past when single-parent families were relatively few, but in recent decades, there has been a dramatic increase in this type of family arrangement due mainly to increasing family problems.

In a perfect world, children have a natural right to have two parents to care for and nurture them through to adulthood. But we don't live in a perfect world and through death or divorce, there is a marked increase in single parent families.

The reality is that most single parents are women and being a single mother, perhaps with multiple children, is a monumental task. A single parent has to juggle a host of responsibilities such as housework, finances, secular work, schooling and dealing with illness when it comes along. As a result, single parenthood can become a struggle.

FINANCIAL PROBLEMS

As the only breadwinner in the home, the single parent will no doubt struggle financially, perhaps having to sacrifice things other families take for granted. It may involve having to live a very frugal life, denying the children some of the luxuries their peers enjoy as standard.

LONELINESS

Even if the parent works secularly, this doesn't dispel the loneliness a single parent feels within the home. There may be children for company, but a single parent will still miss the companionship of a loving partner who can give support and assist with the children.

SOCIAL ISSUES

Behavioral problems with the children can become an issue as the children get older and the single parent has to deal with these alone. This can be overwhelming in the context of having to care for a multitude of other issues on a daily basis.

SCHOOLING

Taking care of the children's needs at school is another challenge for the single parent, having to be available for school visits, being home in time after school and dealing with any concerns arising for their children during school hours. When the children are absent from school due to illness, this can affect the single parent who is holding down a full-time job to support the household.

ILLNESS

When illness strikes in the single parent household, this can be a tremendous struggle. Even more so if it's the parent who is ill. A parent struggling with poor health will still feel the need to get on with household matters depending on the age of the children. When the children are sick, it may require the parent to take time off work to care for them, bringing further financial hardship.

Being a single parent throws up some mountainous problems, and those who cope successfully with them are to be highly commended.

Source: JC Campbell (Helium)

Read more

Tips to Relax for Single Parents

Life as a single parent can be emotionally, mentally and physically draining. They have to handle work, household chores and children all the same time. They have to play the roles of both ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’ single-handedly. Here are some tips to plan your schedule, take out some time to relax, manage everything and remain sane for single parents:

· Stop being bogged down with guilt and regret for things you are not able to do.
· Before going to bed at night, plan the next day.
· In the morning, first review your priorities and do things likewise.
· You may have to compromise with some things and learn to prioritize. Perhaps, doing laundry is more important than mopping and sweeping one day or visiting the school of children may override your visit to the bank on another day.
· Paperless desk fills you with positive thoughts, so avoid clutter and throw anything you can. Try to see a paper, work on it immediately and get it out of your way or just file it away, if it’s for future.
· Skills used for office management prove handy at home too. Clean workplace and three folders labeled ‘Urgent’, ‘ASAP’ and ‘To be Filed’ will make your life much more easier.
· Good filing system will ensure that you don’t have to spend hours looking for some paper later on in the long run. Labeled manila file folders should be kept in a file cabinet with drawers.
· A small tape recorder with headphones can allow you to schedule anything that comes to your mind while driving or cooking. You can do planning, make appointments and listen to songs and even novels too.
· Ask for help from other family members, neighbors and friends or whoever is willing to help and let the kids help too.
· Set alarms for everything and concentrate on only one thing for a set period of time. When the alarm rings, move on to another task and leave the task at hand for another day.
· Set about half an hour in the evening just for your child and let him or her know that at this time he or she can get your undivided attention. If necessary, turn off the mobile and keep the phone off the hook, so there are no distractions.
· Set about 20 minutes for just yourself too and do whatever makes you feel better such as relax, scream, exercise, cry or laugh. Teach the child not to interrupt you at that time and you may make somebody see young children for just that time. The timer may tell the child, when he can speak to you again.
· Things or fulfilling child’s every wish and whim cannot replace the missing parent ever. Over-compensation the children may just spoil them and they may turn selfish and may try to control you.
· Once a month, ask someone to baby-sit your child while you can try and do all the short errands and odd jobs on the appointed day.
· Things do get out of control sometimes and you can take time to just relax or think over things while you are waiting in traffic or queues.
· If you are too tired or stressed, do not feel ashamed of putting off things or procrastinating.
· Writing up notes, addresses and phone numbers on a small diary or small cards that can be put in file will keep you from losing them.
· On weekends, just relax and enjoy time with your child. Get all work done on weekdays itself.
· Share work and time with your kids and try to do it now such as cleaning kid’s room and get older kids help to cook and then go on a fun trip together.

Source: Parenting (iloveindia)

Read more

Ten Tips for Single Parents

1. Ask for help if you need it. Remember that it is a sign of strength, not weakness, to seek help and accept it when problems are overwhelming . Seek out professional counselors in your community, or from PWP and friends.

2. Allow yourself and your children time for readjustment.

3. Remember that a single parent home doesn't have to be harmful to your children and don't attribute all difficulties to your single situation. Whether you are the visiting parent or the primary rearing the children, your ability to cope makes an important difference.

4. Allow bitterness, jealously, blaming, revenge, and self-pity to disappear from your life. Such emotions drain energy from the important tasks of building a good home for your children and a new life for yourself.

5. Allow your children to respect and love the other parent. Don't belittle the parent or involve the children in battles, or force them to "choose." Remember that the children's feelings and perceptions of parents are not the same as those of the spouse for a spouse.

6 . Try to remember the positive parts of your marriage, but without living in the past. Share the good memories with your children.

7. Make sure your children understand that they did not cause the single parent situation and that they are not being rejected by the other parent. Make sure they know you won't abandon them and that you will be able to care for them.

8. Be open and honest; share your feeling with your children and let them share theirs with you. But don't impose your feelings, or demand their confidences.

9. Make an effort to think of yourself as an individual and not part of someone else. Examine old feelings of dependency and neediness. The value you place on yourself will be reflected in your children's sense of self-worth.

10 .While it's easy to become wrapped up in your children, take some time for yourself. Use your single status as an opportunity for growth and development. Make each day count by trying something new or making new friends. Remember that your situation will change old relationships and will lead to new ones.

Source : A Better Child ( education .com)

Read more