Ten Ways For A Better Balanced Single Parent Life

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by all the things you have on your to-do list? With all that Parenting entails, career, family, social service, self, and doing it alone as a single parent, the tasks can get out of control. Seems like the more I do, the more there is left on the to-do list. Finding balance can be a challenge. Below are ways to take the pressures of life and get them into order and under control.

1. Circle of Life – A great way to see where your life may be out of balance is to create a Circle of life chart. Draw a circle and dissect it like a pie. At each spoke write down a different aspect of your life. My circle has work, family, self, social service, finance, and health. Then rate each item from one to 10. 1 is the least amount of balance of that aspect and 10 the most. Put a dot on the circle where you have rated each aspect. Connect the dots. Is your circle fairly round? Or are there places where it is flat? Those are the areas to focus on.

2.Kick off Questions - Ask yourself the following questions. The answers will help you schedule your time and round out the balance of your life. What has been working in your life? What hasn’t? Why? What do you plan to do? What relationships make you doubt yourself or are crazy making? Which relationships encourage you to be your best? What are you going to focus on in the next day, next week, 3 months?

3.Morning Journal - Every morning when I get up I take three pieces of paper and write. Whatever comes to mind, I write it down. I’ve found out some interesting things about myself. If I write something I want to keep, I’ll circle it and keep writing. When I’m done with the three pages, I’ll transfer the items I’ve circled on to my to-do list.

4.Talk to someone who’s already been there done that. Talking to someone who has been through what you are going through, helps one’s perspective. For example, toilet training battles and the car key issues seem more manageable when you have someone who can tell you, “They are all potty trained by the time they are 18 and letting the kids drive gives you something to take away when needed.”

5.Activity of your own - I know you think your list of things to do is too long. However, when you spend some time doing what you like, you get re-energized to tackle the other things that might not be as much fun. I told each of my children that they could have an activity. I told them I would have one too. In our family that meant there were 4 activities to schedule. I set the expectation that sometimes the activities may conflict and a decision would need to be made about which one would be done. This actually didn’t happen often and when it did, the kids helped find solutions to the conflict.

6.100 things to do – Make a list of 100 things you want to do. Don’t edit the list, it is important to write down what you want so you can start to focus on making it happen. You may need to find some creative ways to do them and that will be part of the fun. Ask your kids what they’d like to do. And let them help with the planning.

7.Big things first – Now begin to block off your calendar. Put the big items first, that way they will be sure to get done. If you and your family will be taking some time off this year for a vacation, decide when and where you want to go. Now you can be sure to ask for the time off, and set aside the money needed in plenty of time. Fill in when the activities are scheduled. Then fill in other items.

8.Body, mind and soul – As you are making your lists and creating your calendar, make sure to include things to improve your body, mind and soul. These items can be done on your own, with your children, or with friends.

9.Decide to – One of the most important things involved with balancing your life it to make the decision. If you look at your life and say, “I can’t”. You’ll be right. If you decide you want to make some changes, you will be more likely to do so.

10.Create a new life – It has been said that it takes from 30-90 days to create a new habit. That is 1-3 months time. Wow, if you are feeling out of balance today, you can use some of these steps to have a better balance. In 3 months time, stop and take a look at the changes you have made and the effect they have had on your life.


Source: Laura c. Ries (ArticleDashboard.com)

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Advantages of Being a Single Parent

The advantages of being a single parent are not as obvious as the disadvantages, yet such advantages do exist. Parenting with another adult requires cooperation, consensus and compromise. Single parents often make all major decisions independent of another's influence or desires. Single parents also understand the value of all aspects of parenting because they must wear all the hats.

History

Single parents are not just the result of unsuccessful relationships or divorce. Single parents can be created through widowhood, adoption, unplanned pregnancy and other life-altering situations. Single parenting received wide-spread focus during the 1980s and 1990s, highlighting differences between single parents and divorced parents. The studies focused on the rising number of single-parent versus dual-parent homes. According to "Psychology Today," those numbers jumped from 1 in 2 to 2 out of 3 families that were single parents or never-wed parents versus the more traditional model of family. Psychologists studied the effects of the single-parent home model on children including, but not limited to, their drop-out rate from school, their chances of becoming a single parent themselves and their likelihoods of success. Conservative studies found that children of single parents performed lower on average than children of two-parent homes, but factors like economic status, educational opportunities and supportive child care were not taken into account.

Significance

Single parents enjoy the freedom to make decisions based on their own ethical, moral and cultural upbringing without interference or input from another that may conflict with their own ideas. While they are responsible for their child's academic and religious upbringing, they can make decisions based on their own needs, desires and want for their child without considering the desires, needs and wants of another person. These advantages of being a single parent are often counterbalanced by the burden of responsibility associated with raising a child alone.

Function

Single parents become extremely self-reliant and superior time managers because they can rely on no one else to accomplish what needs to be done, except for themselves. As a direct result of this need to succeed, single parents often provide their children with a model of excellence in self-reliance, independence and responsibility. Children of single parents learn to manage for themselves, rapidly taking over general tasks like housework (See Resources). "Psychology Today" cites a study by the American Journal of Community Psychology that reveals low-income single mothers are more likely to be open about life's harsh realities, income and what their kids can do to help Mom than a traditional two-parent home in which the parents will seek to protect their children from life's harsh realities. Children of single parents become defacto partners in the family success and are more likely to participate.

Types

While some may not see a child's self-reliance and ability to perform household tasks as an advantage to single parenting, the relationship between child and parent is another type of advantage. Single parents are not competing with the child's other parent for attention, respect or likability. They are not weighed and measured, then played off against the other parent. Single parents do not face the inevitable, "But Mommy (or Daddy) said ..." Children of single parents are also not confronted with competition from another adult. When Mom or Dad comes home, they get their parent's attention and the time spent between the two is valued. "Psychology Today" finds that it is typical for children of single parents to feel like their confidantes and that it encourages the children to confide in their parent, as well.

Warning

The most difficult part of being a single parent is the feeling of loneliness that may accompany facing life's challenges without the backup of another adult. The temptation to make the child a partner in her own upbringing is very strong. Some single parents may put their children in the position of acting like mini-adults without realizing it. According to "Psychology Today," single mothers will receive more support from their daughters than they would have from a husband, and that's OK (See Resources). Single-parent networks can provide social and moral support that can reduce the temptation to treat children like adults.

Source: eHow Editor

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The Challenges of Single Parenting

One of the greatest challenges for us as parents is to be loving role-models for our children, showing our children through our behavior how to take personal responsibility for their own feelings and needs. Our children need to learn from our role-modeling how to nurture themselves within and how to create a sense of safety in the world. In families where both a mother and father are present, both parents can participate in nurturing the child emotionally and taking care of the child in the world, and both parents can role-model what it looks like to do this for themselves.

Single parents have a far greater challenge - they have to be both mother and father to the child. Mothering energy is that energy that nurtures while fathering energy is that energy that protects in the world - that is, earning money, setting boundaries with others, speaking up for oneself. While our society often defines women as the nurturers and men as the protectors, both men and women are capable of both nurturing and protecting in the world.

In order for a single parent to successfully be both mother and father, he or she must have learned how to be both mother and father to the Child within. In other words, we have to have learned how to nurture our own Inner Child - how to take responsibility for our own fears, pain, anger, hurt, and disappointment, and how to take care of our Inner Child in the world - earn money, set boundaries, and so on. There is no way to successfully teach our children these skills until we are doing them ourselves, which means that each of us needs to be in a process of learning how to do this

We have developed a process that teaches us how to care for and nurture ourselves, while also loving others. This process, called Inner Bonding, teaches us how to become a loving Adult to our own Inner Child and to our actual children. Inner Bonding is a six-step psychospiritual process that can be learned and practiced daily, and that leads to the development of a spiritually-connected loving inner Adult.

Inner Bonding defines the Inner Child as our core self, who we are when we are born - our natural creativity, intuition, playfulness, imagination, talents, feelings, and ability to love. Our Child is our inner experience. Our Adult is everything we learn after we are born. It is our thoughts, beliefs, and ability to take action. We start learning how to be an Adult from the moment we are born through watching our parents and other caregivers. The Adult we learn to be is a child-adult, the part of us that learned many fears and false beliefs and learned addictive ways, such as using substances, TV, spending, anger, or compliance to avoid pain. A true loving Adult is that part of us that is spiritually connected to a Higher Source of truth and love and is able to bring that truth and love down into the Child and share it with others. The adult many of us operate from most of the time is really a wounded child masquerading as an adult. It is our unhealed wounded self that causes us problems with ourselves and our children. Inner Bonding is a process for healing the wounded self and developing a spiritually-connected loving Adult.

In Inner Bonding, there are only two possible intents at any given moment: the intent to learn about love and the intent to protect against and avoid pain. The intent to learn says that we want to learn about our own pain in order to understand what we need to do to be loving to our Inner Child and others; The intent to protect says that we want to avoid experiencing our pain at all cost. The child-adult is always in the intent to protect and the loving Adult is always in the intent to learn.

The six-steps of Inner Bonding are:

1. The willingness to become aware of our pain rather than protect against it with our various addictions.

2. The conscious decision to move into the intent to learn.

3. Dialoguing with our wounded self to discover the false beliefs and resulting behavior behind the pain. Releasing anger and pain in appropriate ways.

4. Dialoguing with our Higher Power to learn about truth and loving behavior.
5. Taking loving action in behalf or our Inner Child.

6. Evaluating the action.

All parents needs to be in a process of healing themselves. It is particularly important for single parents to be in this process since they are the primary role-models for their children. The more you heal the fears and false beliefs of your wounded self, the more loving you will naturally be with yourself and your children. Learning to utilize these six steps throughout the day, especially in times of anger, fear, anxiety and stress, will eventually heal the false beliefs leading to these difficult feelings.


Source : Margaret Paul Ph.D. (EzineArticles)

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Single Parenting - Four Role Models to Avoid

Nobody ever said single parenting is easy. As parents, we all learn with time. However, too often, the pressure of single parenting can be so overwhelming that it’s easy to make mistakes.

Are you one of these single parents? Learn how you can avoid being one:

The Emotional Patient
Most single parents try to be a good friend to their children, which is a good thing. However, a problem arises when single dads or moms see their children as a source of emotional support. Children of single parents need stability and security. A divorce or the death of a parent can be a particularly traumatic experience for them. No matter how mature or old your children are, avoid making them your confidante on issues such as how much money you have or what a lousy day you had. Don’t rob them of their time to be children. It is unfair to burden them with issues that are difficult for them to handle. If you need to speak to someone, speak to your friends or a counselor.

The Guilt Tripper
As a single parent, it is easy to feel guilty about many things. Not being around when your children need you, not being able to help them with their homework, and so on. The danger with feeling guilty all the time is that some single parents tend to develop a lower self esteem that they may pass on to the children. Don’t be hard on yourself. Learn to take the ups and downs in your stride. And, by all means, don’t try to bolster your self-image by fishing for compliments about what kind of parent you are.

The Permissive Parent
Children need as much love and attention as you can give them. However, some single parents make the mistake of being too permissive and never correct their children when it’s necessary. Research has shown that the children brought up in overly permissive parenting style may develop behavioral problems because they do not easily accept responsibility.

Be firm and know where to draw the line. Shower your children with affection but set clear rules and limits. This, of course, does not mean being harsh or too authoritarian. Perfect the art of saying “I love you but a NO means a NO.”

The Martyr
Single parenting can be such an overwhelming experience that many parents simply forget to take care of themselves. With all the effort and sacrifice required to handle regular tasks such as meals and activities, it’s no surprise that many single parents get burned out. Don’t be a martyr. Your children require your time and energy and the only way to sustain it is by allotting some time for yourself. Pamper yourself from time to time, be it writing in your journal, listening to music, or working out in the gym. Arrange for a babysitter or a trusted friend to look after your children when you are away. Look at it not just as time goofing off, but very important re-charging time so you can get back to the difficult job of being a great dad/mom.


Source : GreatDad Writers

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Single Parenting...Challenging yet REWARDING!

Being a single parent and raising a child is the toughest and yet rewarding job that a person can have. It is full of ups and downs… There are times when anger and frustrations sets in. But it’s normal just don’t have to take out your feelings to your children.


Parenthood is a very demanding job and once you’ve accepted it you can never resign! And as for me being a single mom, it’s very difficult to raise a child all by myself. Like a typical mom, I have fears, worries . if I will be able to raise my child in a good way. If I will be a good mother to him . If I will be able to give all the things he need. If I will be able to send him to a good school . Full of if’s , but I know with the support of my family and friends I will conquer all those fears and worries.


Parenting does not have a destination. It does not have a landing pad where you finally realise it all. Rather it is a journey of maturation and growth. Of learning alongside our children as together we charter unknown territory.

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