Ten Ways For A Better Balanced Single Parent Life

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by all the things you have on your to-do list? With all that Parenting entails, career, family, social service, self, and doing it alone as a single parent, the tasks can get out of control. Seems like the more I do, the more there is left on the to-do list. Finding balance can be a challenge. Below are ways to take the pressures of life and get them into order and under control.

1. Circle of Life – A great way to see where your life may be out of balance is to create a Circle of life chart. Draw a circle and dissect it like a pie. At each spoke write down a different aspect of your life. My circle has work, family, self, social service, finance, and health. Then rate each item from one to 10. 1 is the least amount of balance of that aspect and 10 the most. Put a dot on the circle where you have rated each aspect. Connect the dots. Is your circle fairly round? Or are there places where it is flat? Those are the areas to focus on.

2.Kick off Questions - Ask yourself the following questions. The answers will help you schedule your time and round out the balance of your life. What has been working in your life? What hasn’t? Why? What do you plan to do? What relationships make you doubt yourself or are crazy making? Which relationships encourage you to be your best? What are you going to focus on in the next day, next week, 3 months?

3.Morning Journal - Every morning when I get up I take three pieces of paper and write. Whatever comes to mind, I write it down. I’ve found out some interesting things about myself. If I write something I want to keep, I’ll circle it and keep writing. When I’m done with the three pages, I’ll transfer the items I’ve circled on to my to-do list.

4.Talk to someone who’s already been there done that. Talking to someone who has been through what you are going through, helps one’s perspective. For example, toilet training battles and the car key issues seem more manageable when you have someone who can tell you, “They are all potty trained by the time they are 18 and letting the kids drive gives you something to take away when needed.”

5.Activity of your own - I know you think your list of things to do is too long. However, when you spend some time doing what you like, you get re-energized to tackle the other things that might not be as much fun. I told each of my children that they could have an activity. I told them I would have one too. In our family that meant there were 4 activities to schedule. I set the expectation that sometimes the activities may conflict and a decision would need to be made about which one would be done. This actually didn’t happen often and when it did, the kids helped find solutions to the conflict.

6.100 things to do – Make a list of 100 things you want to do. Don’t edit the list, it is important to write down what you want so you can start to focus on making it happen. You may need to find some creative ways to do them and that will be part of the fun. Ask your kids what they’d like to do. And let them help with the planning.

7.Big things first – Now begin to block off your calendar. Put the big items first, that way they will be sure to get done. If you and your family will be taking some time off this year for a vacation, decide when and where you want to go. Now you can be sure to ask for the time off, and set aside the money needed in plenty of time. Fill in when the activities are scheduled. Then fill in other items.

8.Body, mind and soul – As you are making your lists and creating your calendar, make sure to include things to improve your body, mind and soul. These items can be done on your own, with your children, or with friends.

9.Decide to – One of the most important things involved with balancing your life it to make the decision. If you look at your life and say, “I can’t”. You’ll be right. If you decide you want to make some changes, you will be more likely to do so.

10.Create a new life – It has been said that it takes from 30-90 days to create a new habit. That is 1-3 months time. Wow, if you are feeling out of balance today, you can use some of these steps to have a better balance. In 3 months time, stop and take a look at the changes you have made and the effect they have had on your life.


Source: Laura c. Ries (ArticleDashboard.com)

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How to Be a Confident Single Mom

Being a single mom can be a challenging and rewarding experience, but remember all parents come in different shapes and sizes. It is more important that you be confident in your role as a parent and remember that you are doing the most important job in the world, raising kids. Read on to learn how to be a confident single mom.

Instructions

Step 1. Believe that you can be a confident and successful single parent, whether you made the choice yourself or it was out of your control. This believe in yourself will be a guiding light when issues arise.

Step 2. Define your family as you and your children. A family does not need a specific number of adults or to meet any other standard. Be sure to explain this to your children and to anyone who questions you.

Step 3. Ignore negative stereotypes about single parent households and kids raised in single family homes. You will shape your child, their beliefs and their behavior, not the fact that you are a single mom.

Step 4. Ask trusted friends and family to help, especially when they can contribute their own knowledge and skills. A married couple would ask friends to help put together a swing set and a single mom should do the same.

Step 5. Budget wisely for your children, yourself and your future. Although it may be hard to say "no" to a small thing here and there, it will be much more difficult to say "no" to college later on.

Step 6. Search out support from other single parents. This is a great support system for times of stress, as well as for times when you want to share your accomplishments.


Source: eHow Parenting Editor

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Positive Effects of Single Parenting
Concepts Every Single Parent Needs to Keep in Mind

You might not often think of being a single parent family as a bonus for your kids. There have been many sacrifices along the way, and plenty of times when you wished things were different. However, there are some positive effects of single parenting that you should bear in mind as you raise your children:

Positive Effect of Single Parenting #1: Developing Strong Bonds

Spending quality one-on-one time with your kids allows you to develop a unique bond that may actually be stronger than it would have been if you were not a single parent. Certainly this is true for many custodial parents, but it's also true for a number of non-custodial parents who have the opportunity to play a unique role in their kids' lives.

• Never diminish the importance of your role.
• Realize if your bond isn't where you want it to be today, you can work to strengthen it.
• Your connection with your children won't end when they turn 18; the bond will continue to evolve into your children's adult years.

Positive Effect of Single Parenting #2: Experiencing Community

We're all familiar with the phrase "It takes a village to raise a child." Well, children raised in single parent families are often raised by a village of supporters. In many cases, members of the extended family will step up and play a significant role in the children's lives. Those single parents who don't live near family may choose to participate in community groups - including single parent support groups, churches, and synagogues - which champion the entire family.

• Join a single parent support group
• Seek out civic groups that will help you plug in to your local community.
• Get involved in your child's school.

Positive Effect of Single Parenting #3: Shared Responsibilities

Children raised in single parent families don't just have "token" chores to do in order to earn an allowance. Instead, their contribution to the entire family system is necessary. The authentic need for their assistance helps the children recognize the value of their contribution and develop pride in their own work.

• Praise your kids for helping out around the home.
• Let them know you recognize their efforts.
• Expect them to contribute and be specific when asking them to help out.

Positive Effect of Single Parenting #4: Handling Conflict and Disappointment

Children in single parent families witness conflict mediation skills in action. They get to see their parents working hard - despite their differences - to collaborate and work together effectively. In addition, the children are forced to deal with their own disappointments early in life.

• Respond with your kids' disappointment with support, encouragement, and empathy.
• View these experiences as valuable growth opportunities, helping them become sensitive, empathetic, caring adults.
• You can't always prevent your children from feeling sad or disappointed, but you can help them to express and cope with their emotions

Positive Effect of Single Parenting #5: Seeing Real-Life, Balanced Priorities

Children who are raised in successful single parent families know that they are the main priority in their parents' lives, yet they are not treated as though they are the center of everyone's universe. This healthy approach helps to prepare kids for the "real world."

• Help your children balance their own needs/wants with the needs of the entire family unit.
• Realize that it's okay for you as the parent to pursue needs of your own, such as the need for alone time or adult conversation.
• Teach your kids to express their needs while also considering the needs of others.

Source : Jennifer Wolf (About.com)

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