Tips for Positive Single Parenting

Raising a child is undoubtedly one of the most stressful jobs you can have; let alone raising one by yourself.

Single parents are faced with the difficult role of being both mom and dad. Some people find themselves in this situation because of: divorce, death of a spouse, a parent in the military or simply a single person who wants to have a child without a partner.

Positive effects of single parenting

While raising a child alone can prove to be challenging, it can also benefit the child in many ways, as well. Here are some tips for single parents

1. Teach your child independence and responsibility

Children who grow up in single parent homes are likely to take on more of the household tasks and are relied upon to take on extra responsibilities. This can help to encourage and foster maturity at an early age. Encourage independence with positive reinforcement and support.

2. Take advantage of extra bonding time

While having two parents is ideal, many times children are stuck in the middle when mom and dad do not get along. Children of single parent households avoid the stigmatism of arguing parents and tend to form stronger bonds with the existing parent. Take advantage of your extra time together.

3. Enjoy the benefits of a large support system

Many times children who are raised by only one parent are fortunate to have an extended support system. Family members and friends will often chip in to lend a helping hand with daycare, errands and mentoring. Rather than trying to take on the world by yourself, allow your family and friends to help out from time to time.

Source: jackiepanda (Hubpages)

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5 Single-Parenting Mistakes -- and How to Fix Them

Here are the five most common single-parent missteps and how to resolve them


Mistake No. 1: Trying to compensate for absent parent

The fix: Quit trying! "Single parents often feel guilty that there isn't another parent in the house," says Barry G. Ginsberg, Ph.D., director of The Center of Relationship Enhancement in Doylestown, Pa., and author of 50 Wonderful Ways to Be a Single-Parent Family (New Harbinger, 2003). "It's natural to feel guilty, but you don't have to compensate or take action because of the guilt."

When parents feel guilty, they try to compensate by overdoing it — showering children with toys and gadgets, meting out punishment less often or providing less structure. All of which is a disservice to the child — and to you. "When you feel guilty, you under-parent your kids by giving in to them more often than you should," says James H. Bray, Ph.D., a professor at Baylor College of Medicine and director of Baylor Family Counseling Clinic in Houston. "The vast majority [of children in single-parent households] do just as well academically and socially as children with two parents at home."

Mistake No. 2: Not having a life of your own

The fix: "It's very important that you get your adult needs met," Bray says. "If you don't, you'll be a less effective parent." You need to make time for hobbies, dating, friends and exercise. Otherwise, you may feel frustrated and resentful — emotions that can sap your energy, mentally and physically. To find that elusive time, Bray suggests that you:

> Ask family members, friends and neighbors to spend time with your child

> Form a "babysitting share" with three to four other families. On a Friday night, for example, one family can host all the kids at their home for pizza and movies, while the next Friday, it's another parent's turn, etc. The upshot: You get three to four free nights a month!

> Find a mentoring program. The Big Brothers Big Sisters program is one option, though in many big cities there are long waiting lists for mentors. (Go to www.bbbs.org to find an agency in your area.) So also check out churches or synagogues, many of which offer mentoring programs as well as sports, crafts and other activities for children.

Mistake No. 3: Overscheduling your kids

The fix: Resist the urge. Time management is a lot harder when there's just one of you. Planning soccer, piano, playdates and birthday parties so that they mesh with your work and family schedule is daunting.

"Overscheduling puts pressure on everybody," Bray says. When your child is around age 6 or 7, talk to him about prioritizing. This means explaining to your child the reality of resources (namely money and time) and that, as a family, you have to make choices. For example, tell your child that she can do karate or basketball, and ask her to choose. This will teach her about making responsible choices and give you some valuable family time together.

Mistake No. 4: Using your child as agent with other parent

The fix: Keep them out of your personal problems. Sharing custody can be prickly, especially if the breakup was contentious. Sometimes, Mom and Dad are at such odds that they use the child to make statements to one another. Big mistake. "Do not have your children act in coalition with you," Ginsberg advises. "They may have enough trouble [from the breakup] already, and it's not fair to burden them. Parents need to work out a plan.

" Although you and your co-parent may have different values (there's a reason you broke up, right?), you must find a way to work together for the sake of your child. If necessary, seek help from a third party such as a mediator or counselor. "Chances are you won't be as angry and hurt, and you'll be able to build a working relationship with the other parent," Ginsberg says. For instance, if getting homework done at Dad's house seems to be a mission impossible, get the school involved. Dad will likely be more open to the recommendations of your child's teacher or principal than he is to yours.

Mistake No. 5: Involving kids in too many adult relationships

The fix: Delay introductions. If you go through a series of romantic relationships and introduce your child to each partner, it's going to be difficult on the kid. "Wait until you know there's a possibility of a long-term relationship" before making the introduction, Bray cautions. "If you involve them in too many adult relationships, they will go through multiple losses.

" Also remember that you are your child's model for adult conduct. If you have one-night stands or go through a series of partners in a short time, and your child knows all of this is happening, you're essentially telling him it's acceptable. "Whatever you do in front of your children, gives them the message that this is proper behavior," Bray says.

Source: Revolution Health Group

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Tips to Relax for Single Parents

Life as a single parent can be emotionally, mentally and physically draining. They have to handle work, household chores and children all the same time. They have to play the roles of both ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’ single-handedly. Here are some tips to plan your schedule, take out some time to relax, manage everything and remain sane for single parents:

· Stop being bogged down with guilt and regret for things you are not able to do.
· Before going to bed at night, plan the next day.
· In the morning, first review your priorities and do things likewise.
· You may have to compromise with some things and learn to prioritize. Perhaps, doing laundry is more important than mopping and sweeping one day or visiting the school of children may override your visit to the bank on another day.
· Paperless desk fills you with positive thoughts, so avoid clutter and throw anything you can. Try to see a paper, work on it immediately and get it out of your way or just file it away, if it’s for future.
· Skills used for office management prove handy at home too. Clean workplace and three folders labeled ‘Urgent’, ‘ASAP’ and ‘To be Filed’ will make your life much more easier.
· Good filing system will ensure that you don’t have to spend hours looking for some paper later on in the long run. Labeled manila file folders should be kept in a file cabinet with drawers.
· A small tape recorder with headphones can allow you to schedule anything that comes to your mind while driving or cooking. You can do planning, make appointments and listen to songs and even novels too.
· Ask for help from other family members, neighbors and friends or whoever is willing to help and let the kids help too.
· Set alarms for everything and concentrate on only one thing for a set period of time. When the alarm rings, move on to another task and leave the task at hand for another day.
· Set about half an hour in the evening just for your child and let him or her know that at this time he or she can get your undivided attention. If necessary, turn off the mobile and keep the phone off the hook, so there are no distractions.
· Set about 20 minutes for just yourself too and do whatever makes you feel better such as relax, scream, exercise, cry or laugh. Teach the child not to interrupt you at that time and you may make somebody see young children for just that time. The timer may tell the child, when he can speak to you again.
· Things or fulfilling child’s every wish and whim cannot replace the missing parent ever. Over-compensation the children may just spoil them and they may turn selfish and may try to control you.
· Once a month, ask someone to baby-sit your child while you can try and do all the short errands and odd jobs on the appointed day.
· Things do get out of control sometimes and you can take time to just relax or think over things while you are waiting in traffic or queues.
· If you are too tired or stressed, do not feel ashamed of putting off things or procrastinating.
· Writing up notes, addresses and phone numbers on a small diary or small cards that can be put in file will keep you from losing them.
· On weekends, just relax and enjoy time with your child. Get all work done on weekdays itself.
· Share work and time with your kids and try to do it now such as cleaning kid’s room and get older kids help to cook and then go on a fun trip together.

Source: Parenting (iloveindia)

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Single Parenting...Challenging yet REWARDING!

Being a single parent and raising a child is the toughest and yet rewarding job that a person can have. It is full of ups and downs… There are times when anger and frustrations sets in. But it’s normal just don’t have to take out your feelings to your children.


Parenthood is a very demanding job and once you’ve accepted it you can never resign! And as for me being a single mom, it’s very difficult to raise a child all by myself. Like a typical mom, I have fears, worries . if I will be able to raise my child in a good way. If I will be a good mother to him . If I will be able to give all the things he need. If I will be able to send him to a good school . Full of if’s , but I know with the support of my family and friends I will conquer all those fears and worries.


Parenting does not have a destination. It does not have a landing pad where you finally realise it all. Rather it is a journey of maturation and growth. Of learning alongside our children as together we charter unknown territory.

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