Single Parenting

myths and facts and truths about single parenting and single parent families.

Single parents and their children often have to face stigma, violence and social problems based on myths, stereotypes, half-truths and prejudices. Sometimes, the taunts can be subtle and leave subconscious effects. The best approach is to confront them and understand what is true and what is not. Some of the myths have been cross-examined

Myth: Since culturally, traditional nuclear families are the norm and predominant, single parenting is an aberration and single parents are often left lonely and isolated.
Fact: Recently, single parent families have shown a sharp rise. In U.S. alone, about 59 percent of American children have lived in a single-parent home at least once during their minor years and over 16 million children currently live in single-parent homes. They are often ‘bi-nuclear’ families, where despite divorces and re-marriages, both the parents are actively involved in parenting and offer their children two separate homes

Myth: Children from single-parent families have emotional and behavior problems and do poorly in school.
Fact: These conclusions are completely false and untainted researches by other scholars such as that of Richards and Smiege, 1993 are generally ignored. The outcomes of the oft-quoted 10-year study of Judith S. Wallerstein cannot be trusted as it started with subjects with problems such as from ones with psychological disorders or juvenile delinquents on the first hand. Children of single parents can be as healthy and emotionally secure as those from traditional families.

Myth: Single-parent families mean ‘broken homes’.
Fact: Parents who chose divorce or not marrying as a way of their life doe not necessarily mean that they are trying to make a broken home work. Many times, it turns out to be the healthiest choice to give children a peaceful and stable home environment. Positive outcomes in single-parent families are not uncommon and single parents are often more independent and multi-tasking and their children actually learn to handle greater responsibility.

The outcome of single parent families actually depends on social network and support to the family and good communication within the family. Children of divorcees can be as healthy and well-settled as other kids while they even enjoy greater stability and happiness in their marriages, as they are more adjusting and concentrate more on keeping their families intact and happy.

Myth: Being brought up in single-parent families is detrimental to children’s self-esteem.
Fact: Children’s self-esteem is linked mostly to the income level of the family. Since single-parent families also have single income coming in, they are often low-income households too and thus, children's self-esteem tend to be lower too, similar to children of low-income two-parent homes. Parents can teach resilience and self-esteem skills to their children by being a model to them, boosting their self-respect and self-nurturance and make them realize that their possessions do not determine what they are.

Myth: Families need to be self-sufficient, while single parent families aren’t.
Fact: The emphasis on self-sufficiency often produces unnecessary shame and guilt in parents who are emotionally and financially challenged, including the single parents. One has to learn to be interdependent, give and receive; taking our own responsibilities and asking for support and engaging even professional help, when needed. Parents should not become too dependent on children for social and psychological support but rather join support group for single parents as their social outlet and fun and source for emotional and child care support. Families should also engage in volunteering within the community so that they learn the balance between nurturing and being nurtured and each family member may become more mature and independent.


Source: iloveindia

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Tips for Positive Single Parenting

Raising a child is undoubtedly one of the most stressful jobs you can have; let alone raising one by yourself.

Single parents are faced with the difficult role of being both mom and dad. Some people find themselves in this situation because of: divorce, death of a spouse, a parent in the military or simply a single person who wants to have a child without a partner.

Positive effects of single parenting

While raising a child alone can prove to be challenging, it can also benefit the child in many ways, as well. Here are some tips for single parents

1. Teach your child independence and responsibility

Children who grow up in single parent homes are likely to take on more of the household tasks and are relied upon to take on extra responsibilities. This can help to encourage and foster maturity at an early age. Encourage independence with positive reinforcement and support.

2. Take advantage of extra bonding time

While having two parents is ideal, many times children are stuck in the middle when mom and dad do not get along. Children of single parent households avoid the stigmatism of arguing parents and tend to form stronger bonds with the existing parent. Take advantage of your extra time together.

3. Enjoy the benefits of a large support system

Many times children who are raised by only one parent are fortunate to have an extended support system. Family members and friends will often chip in to lend a helping hand with daycare, errands and mentoring. Rather than trying to take on the world by yourself, allow your family and friends to help out from time to time.

Source: jackiepanda (Hubpages)

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Single Parenting Survival Tips

Successful and positive single parenting tips for raising happy and healthy children, while keeping your sanity intact.

Single parenting is certainly an undertaking requiring finesse and strategy. And some days, survival is the best to hope for. Keeping up with the details of daily living is hard to do, when you're darting here and there, trying not to lose out on any part of your child's life. It becomes harder, still, when we miss out on once in a lifetime events, when we know there should be some way we could juggle everything a bit more efficiently.

There is no single formula for successful parenting, but there are ways to help ease the load of single parenting and make a few rough days more bearable.


1) Find time saving ways of accomplishing everyday tasks. Cook larger portions than needed, especially on weekends when you might have a little extra time, and freeze extra portions in individual meal packages. Then, during the busy and hectic weekdays, take packages out, and heat and serve your ready-made meals. Run errands all at one time, instead of coming and going from home to different places around town, expending your gasoline and your energies. Also, let the kids help at home. It's good for them, and better for all of you.
2) Have a life outside of parenting and your children. Join a club, have regular workouts at a local gym, take yourself out to eat or out for a day of fun with your friends. Allow yourself time at home to be alone, like enjoying a long soak in the tub, free from phones and other demands. This might mean enjoying the tub when the kids are at school, or, you might even hire a babysitter for a couple of hours. Whatever it takes, find unique ways to keep your kids occupied that also give you a chance to recharge your own batteries.
3) Pay attention to your child - each one individually, if you have multiple children. Even though parents need a separate life for themselves, children need lots of attention and tender loving care. Spend regular quality time with each child. Hear what they're really saying, and spend fun time together. Don't wait until your child gets in trouble before you pull yourself away from your busy life to hear what they have to say
4) Be honest with your child. Though children may not always need to hear the whole, ugly truth about life, and about your past (especially in the case of divorce or a troubled past that resulted in the birth of that child), kids deserve to be treated with honesty and respect. Answer their questions in a straightforward manner. Be honest! Kids have a way of finding things out. Better for you and for your child, not to mention better for your long-term relationship, that you be up front with your child from the very beginning. Of course, care should be taken on how much you say, depending on the age and maturity of your child.
5) Let your children become independent people. Don't shelter them to the point of overshadowing and smothering a child's independent nature. Give them responsibilities early, and then expect them to keep up with them. Let a child have a life outside of you and home, with friends and other families with whom they can relate. If you have no close adult friends who can befriend your child, check into the Big Brother/Sister program. Screen candidates very carefully!
6) Look for ways to network and connect with others for support. Join a single parents' group. Form a network with colleagues and friends. Form a car pool or a parents' day out, or try a cooperative for buying supplies in bulk to save each member of the Coop money for their individual family needs.
7) Don't be afraid to ask for help. You're just one parent, and you can't always carry the load alone. Know when it's time to lean on others to get things done, or for support to help get you through another trying day. You're no less a parent when you have to lean on others. Besides, you may be the perfect person to let another single parent lean on you, in return.
8) Don't take yourself too seriously! Learn to have fun and how to laugh. Find a balance in your life. Life is serious enough, without parents carrying all of life's burdens 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Let yourself go. Let chores around the house go for awhile. Give yourself a break now and then. After all, you don't HAVE to do it all, all of the time. Learn to laugh with your child and with your friends.


Lest this sounds like single parenting is just one giant nightmare with no end in sight, it is not. Parenting is one of the most rewarding activities a person could undertake. Yes, there are responsibilities, and the load grows quite heavy when carrying it alone. But a child doesn't need perfection. A child just needs a parent to be there, to love, guide, understand and protect. Love and Limits. When you put everything into perspective, the load seems lighter, and the joys of life and parenting begin to glow brighter than the responsibilities and tasks of everyday life.

Source: eSSORTMENT

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Positive Effects of Single Parenting
Concepts Every Single Parent Needs to Keep in Mind

You might not often think of being a single parent family as a bonus for your kids. There have been many sacrifices along the way, and plenty of times when you wished things were different. However, there are some positive effects of single parenting that you should bear in mind as you raise your children:

Positive Effect of Single Parenting #1: Developing Strong Bonds

Spending quality one-on-one time with your kids allows you to develop a unique bond that may actually be stronger than it would have been if you were not a single parent. Certainly this is true for many custodial parents, but it's also true for a number of non-custodial parents who have the opportunity to play a unique role in their kids' lives.

• Never diminish the importance of your role.
• Realize if your bond isn't where you want it to be today, you can work to strengthen it.
• Your connection with your children won't end when they turn 18; the bond will continue to evolve into your children's adult years.

Positive Effect of Single Parenting #2: Experiencing Community

We're all familiar with the phrase "It takes a village to raise a child." Well, children raised in single parent families are often raised by a village of supporters. In many cases, members of the extended family will step up and play a significant role in the children's lives. Those single parents who don't live near family may choose to participate in community groups - including single parent support groups, churches, and synagogues - which champion the entire family.

• Join a single parent support group
• Seek out civic groups that will help you plug in to your local community.
• Get involved in your child's school.

Positive Effect of Single Parenting #3: Shared Responsibilities

Children raised in single parent families don't just have "token" chores to do in order to earn an allowance. Instead, their contribution to the entire family system is necessary. The authentic need for their assistance helps the children recognize the value of their contribution and develop pride in their own work.

• Praise your kids for helping out around the home.
• Let them know you recognize their efforts.
• Expect them to contribute and be specific when asking them to help out.

Positive Effect of Single Parenting #4: Handling Conflict and Disappointment

Children in single parent families witness conflict mediation skills in action. They get to see their parents working hard - despite their differences - to collaborate and work together effectively. In addition, the children are forced to deal with their own disappointments early in life.

• Respond with your kids' disappointment with support, encouragement, and empathy.
• View these experiences as valuable growth opportunities, helping them become sensitive, empathetic, caring adults.
• You can't always prevent your children from feeling sad or disappointed, but you can help them to express and cope with their emotions

Positive Effect of Single Parenting #5: Seeing Real-Life, Balanced Priorities

Children who are raised in successful single parent families know that they are the main priority in their parents' lives, yet they are not treated as though they are the center of everyone's universe. This healthy approach helps to prepare kids for the "real world."

• Help your children balance their own needs/wants with the needs of the entire family unit.
• Realize that it's okay for you as the parent to pursue needs of your own, such as the need for alone time or adult conversation.
• Teach your kids to express their needs while also considering the needs of others.

Source : Jennifer Wolf (About.com)

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The Challenges of Single Parenting

One of the greatest challenges for us as parents is to be loving role-models for our children, showing our children through our behavior how to take personal responsibility for their own feelings and needs. Our children need to learn from our role-modeling how to nurture themselves within and how to create a sense of safety in the world. In families where both a mother and father are present, both parents can participate in nurturing the child emotionally and taking care of the child in the world, and both parents can role-model what it looks like to do this for themselves.

Single parents have a far greater challenge - they have to be both mother and father to the child. Mothering energy is that energy that nurtures while fathering energy is that energy that protects in the world - that is, earning money, setting boundaries with others, speaking up for oneself. While our society often defines women as the nurturers and men as the protectors, both men and women are capable of both nurturing and protecting in the world.

In order for a single parent to successfully be both mother and father, he or she must have learned how to be both mother and father to the Child within. In other words, we have to have learned how to nurture our own Inner Child - how to take responsibility for our own fears, pain, anger, hurt, and disappointment, and how to take care of our Inner Child in the world - earn money, set boundaries, and so on. There is no way to successfully teach our children these skills until we are doing them ourselves, which means that each of us needs to be in a process of learning how to do this

We have developed a process that teaches us how to care for and nurture ourselves, while also loving others. This process, called Inner Bonding, teaches us how to become a loving Adult to our own Inner Child and to our actual children. Inner Bonding is a six-step psychospiritual process that can be learned and practiced daily, and that leads to the development of a spiritually-connected loving inner Adult.

Inner Bonding defines the Inner Child as our core self, who we are when we are born - our natural creativity, intuition, playfulness, imagination, talents, feelings, and ability to love. Our Child is our inner experience. Our Adult is everything we learn after we are born. It is our thoughts, beliefs, and ability to take action. We start learning how to be an Adult from the moment we are born through watching our parents and other caregivers. The Adult we learn to be is a child-adult, the part of us that learned many fears and false beliefs and learned addictive ways, such as using substances, TV, spending, anger, or compliance to avoid pain. A true loving Adult is that part of us that is spiritually connected to a Higher Source of truth and love and is able to bring that truth and love down into the Child and share it with others. The adult many of us operate from most of the time is really a wounded child masquerading as an adult. It is our unhealed wounded self that causes us problems with ourselves and our children. Inner Bonding is a process for healing the wounded self and developing a spiritually-connected loving Adult.

In Inner Bonding, there are only two possible intents at any given moment: the intent to learn about love and the intent to protect against and avoid pain. The intent to learn says that we want to learn about our own pain in order to understand what we need to do to be loving to our Inner Child and others; The intent to protect says that we want to avoid experiencing our pain at all cost. The child-adult is always in the intent to protect and the loving Adult is always in the intent to learn.

The six-steps of Inner Bonding are:

1. The willingness to become aware of our pain rather than protect against it with our various addictions.

2. The conscious decision to move into the intent to learn.

3. Dialoguing with our wounded self to discover the false beliefs and resulting behavior behind the pain. Releasing anger and pain in appropriate ways.

4. Dialoguing with our Higher Power to learn about truth and loving behavior.
5. Taking loving action in behalf or our Inner Child.

6. Evaluating the action.

All parents needs to be in a process of healing themselves. It is particularly important for single parents to be in this process since they are the primary role-models for their children. The more you heal the fears and false beliefs of your wounded self, the more loving you will naturally be with yourself and your children. Learning to utilize these six steps throughout the day, especially in times of anger, fear, anxiety and stress, will eventually heal the false beliefs leading to these difficult feelings.


Source : Margaret Paul Ph.D. (EzineArticles)

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Ten Tips for Single Parents

1. Ask for help if you need it. Remember that it is a sign of strength, not weakness, to seek help and accept it when problems are overwhelming . Seek out professional counselors in your community, or from PWP and friends.

2. Allow yourself and your children time for readjustment.

3. Remember that a single parent home doesn't have to be harmful to your children and don't attribute all difficulties to your single situation. Whether you are the visiting parent or the primary rearing the children, your ability to cope makes an important difference.

4. Allow bitterness, jealously, blaming, revenge, and self-pity to disappear from your life. Such emotions drain energy from the important tasks of building a good home for your children and a new life for yourself.

5. Allow your children to respect and love the other parent. Don't belittle the parent or involve the children in battles, or force them to "choose." Remember that the children's feelings and perceptions of parents are not the same as those of the spouse for a spouse.

6 . Try to remember the positive parts of your marriage, but without living in the past. Share the good memories with your children.

7. Make sure your children understand that they did not cause the single parent situation and that they are not being rejected by the other parent. Make sure they know you won't abandon them and that you will be able to care for them.

8. Be open and honest; share your feeling with your children and let them share theirs with you. But don't impose your feelings, or demand their confidences.

9. Make an effort to think of yourself as an individual and not part of someone else. Examine old feelings of dependency and neediness. The value you place on yourself will be reflected in your children's sense of self-worth.

10 .While it's easy to become wrapped up in your children, take some time for yourself. Use your single status as an opportunity for growth and development. Make each day count by trying something new or making new friends. Remember that your situation will change old relationships and will lead to new ones.

Source : A Better Child ( education .com)

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Single Parenting - Four Role Models to Avoid

Nobody ever said single parenting is easy. As parents, we all learn with time. However, too often, the pressure of single parenting can be so overwhelming that it’s easy to make mistakes.

Are you one of these single parents? Learn how you can avoid being one:

The Emotional Patient
Most single parents try to be a good friend to their children, which is a good thing. However, a problem arises when single dads or moms see their children as a source of emotional support. Children of single parents need stability and security. A divorce or the death of a parent can be a particularly traumatic experience for them. No matter how mature or old your children are, avoid making them your confidante on issues such as how much money you have or what a lousy day you had. Don’t rob them of their time to be children. It is unfair to burden them with issues that are difficult for them to handle. If you need to speak to someone, speak to your friends or a counselor.

The Guilt Tripper
As a single parent, it is easy to feel guilty about many things. Not being around when your children need you, not being able to help them with their homework, and so on. The danger with feeling guilty all the time is that some single parents tend to develop a lower self esteem that they may pass on to the children. Don’t be hard on yourself. Learn to take the ups and downs in your stride. And, by all means, don’t try to bolster your self-image by fishing for compliments about what kind of parent you are.

The Permissive Parent
Children need as much love and attention as you can give them. However, some single parents make the mistake of being too permissive and never correct their children when it’s necessary. Research has shown that the children brought up in overly permissive parenting style may develop behavioral problems because they do not easily accept responsibility.

Be firm and know where to draw the line. Shower your children with affection but set clear rules and limits. This, of course, does not mean being harsh or too authoritarian. Perfect the art of saying “I love you but a NO means a NO.”

The Martyr
Single parenting can be such an overwhelming experience that many parents simply forget to take care of themselves. With all the effort and sacrifice required to handle regular tasks such as meals and activities, it’s no surprise that many single parents get burned out. Don’t be a martyr. Your children require your time and energy and the only way to sustain it is by allotting some time for yourself. Pamper yourself from time to time, be it writing in your journal, listening to music, or working out in the gym. Arrange for a babysitter or a trusted friend to look after your children when you are away. Look at it not just as time goofing off, but very important re-charging time so you can get back to the difficult job of being a great dad/mom.


Source : GreatDad Writers

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Single Parenting...Challenging yet REWARDING!

Being a single parent and raising a child is the toughest and yet rewarding job that a person can have. It is full of ups and downs… There are times when anger and frustrations sets in. But it’s normal just don’t have to take out your feelings to your children.


Parenthood is a very demanding job and once you’ve accepted it you can never resign! And as for me being a single mom, it’s very difficult to raise a child all by myself. Like a typical mom, I have fears, worries . if I will be able to raise my child in a good way. If I will be a good mother to him . If I will be able to give all the things he need. If I will be able to send him to a good school . Full of if’s , but I know with the support of my family and friends I will conquer all those fears and worries.


Parenting does not have a destination. It does not have a landing pad where you finally realise it all. Rather it is a journey of maturation and growth. Of learning alongside our children as together we charter unknown territory.

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