Single Parenting

myths and facts and truths about single parenting and single parent families.

Single parents and their children often have to face stigma, violence and social problems based on myths, stereotypes, half-truths and prejudices. Sometimes, the taunts can be subtle and leave subconscious effects. The best approach is to confront them and understand what is true and what is not. Some of the myths have been cross-examined

Myth: Since culturally, traditional nuclear families are the norm and predominant, single parenting is an aberration and single parents are often left lonely and isolated.
Fact: Recently, single parent families have shown a sharp rise. In U.S. alone, about 59 percent of American children have lived in a single-parent home at least once during their minor years and over 16 million children currently live in single-parent homes. They are often ‘bi-nuclear’ families, where despite divorces and re-marriages, both the parents are actively involved in parenting and offer their children two separate homes

Myth: Children from single-parent families have emotional and behavior problems and do poorly in school.
Fact: These conclusions are completely false and untainted researches by other scholars such as that of Richards and Smiege, 1993 are generally ignored. The outcomes of the oft-quoted 10-year study of Judith S. Wallerstein cannot be trusted as it started with subjects with problems such as from ones with psychological disorders or juvenile delinquents on the first hand. Children of single parents can be as healthy and emotionally secure as those from traditional families.

Myth: Single-parent families mean ‘broken homes’.
Fact: Parents who chose divorce or not marrying as a way of their life doe not necessarily mean that they are trying to make a broken home work. Many times, it turns out to be the healthiest choice to give children a peaceful and stable home environment. Positive outcomes in single-parent families are not uncommon and single parents are often more independent and multi-tasking and their children actually learn to handle greater responsibility.

The outcome of single parent families actually depends on social network and support to the family and good communication within the family. Children of divorcees can be as healthy and well-settled as other kids while they even enjoy greater stability and happiness in their marriages, as they are more adjusting and concentrate more on keeping their families intact and happy.

Myth: Being brought up in single-parent families is detrimental to children’s self-esteem.
Fact: Children’s self-esteem is linked mostly to the income level of the family. Since single-parent families also have single income coming in, they are often low-income households too and thus, children's self-esteem tend to be lower too, similar to children of low-income two-parent homes. Parents can teach resilience and self-esteem skills to their children by being a model to them, boosting their self-respect and self-nurturance and make them realize that their possessions do not determine what they are.

Myth: Families need to be self-sufficient, while single parent families aren’t.
Fact: The emphasis on self-sufficiency often produces unnecessary shame and guilt in parents who are emotionally and financially challenged, including the single parents. One has to learn to be interdependent, give and receive; taking our own responsibilities and asking for support and engaging even professional help, when needed. Parents should not become too dependent on children for social and psychological support but rather join support group for single parents as their social outlet and fun and source for emotional and child care support. Families should also engage in volunteering within the community so that they learn the balance between nurturing and being nurtured and each family member may become more mature and independent.


Source: iloveindia

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How to Be a Confident Single Mom

Being a single mom can be a challenging and rewarding experience, but remember all parents come in different shapes and sizes. It is more important that you be confident in your role as a parent and remember that you are doing the most important job in the world, raising kids. Read on to learn how to be a confident single mom.

Instructions

Step 1. Believe that you can be a confident and successful single parent, whether you made the choice yourself or it was out of your control. This believe in yourself will be a guiding light when issues arise.

Step 2. Define your family as you and your children. A family does not need a specific number of adults or to meet any other standard. Be sure to explain this to your children and to anyone who questions you.

Step 3. Ignore negative stereotypes about single parent households and kids raised in single family homes. You will shape your child, their beliefs and their behavior, not the fact that you are a single mom.

Step 4. Ask trusted friends and family to help, especially when they can contribute their own knowledge and skills. A married couple would ask friends to help put together a swing set and a single mom should do the same.

Step 5. Budget wisely for your children, yourself and your future. Although it may be hard to say "no" to a small thing here and there, it will be much more difficult to say "no" to college later on.

Step 6. Search out support from other single parents. This is a great support system for times of stress, as well as for times when you want to share your accomplishments.


Source: eHow Parenting Editor

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Positive Effects of Single Parenting
Concepts Every Single Parent Needs to Keep in Mind

You might not often think of being a single parent family as a bonus for your kids. There have been many sacrifices along the way, and plenty of times when you wished things were different. However, there are some positive effects of single parenting that you should bear in mind as you raise your children:

Positive Effect of Single Parenting #1: Developing Strong Bonds

Spending quality one-on-one time with your kids allows you to develop a unique bond that may actually be stronger than it would have been if you were not a single parent. Certainly this is true for many custodial parents, but it's also true for a number of non-custodial parents who have the opportunity to play a unique role in their kids' lives.

• Never diminish the importance of your role.
• Realize if your bond isn't where you want it to be today, you can work to strengthen it.
• Your connection with your children won't end when they turn 18; the bond will continue to evolve into your children's adult years.

Positive Effect of Single Parenting #2: Experiencing Community

We're all familiar with the phrase "It takes a village to raise a child." Well, children raised in single parent families are often raised by a village of supporters. In many cases, members of the extended family will step up and play a significant role in the children's lives. Those single parents who don't live near family may choose to participate in community groups - including single parent support groups, churches, and synagogues - which champion the entire family.

• Join a single parent support group
• Seek out civic groups that will help you plug in to your local community.
• Get involved in your child's school.

Positive Effect of Single Parenting #3: Shared Responsibilities

Children raised in single parent families don't just have "token" chores to do in order to earn an allowance. Instead, their contribution to the entire family system is necessary. The authentic need for their assistance helps the children recognize the value of their contribution and develop pride in their own work.

• Praise your kids for helping out around the home.
• Let them know you recognize their efforts.
• Expect them to contribute and be specific when asking them to help out.

Positive Effect of Single Parenting #4: Handling Conflict and Disappointment

Children in single parent families witness conflict mediation skills in action. They get to see their parents working hard - despite their differences - to collaborate and work together effectively. In addition, the children are forced to deal with their own disappointments early in life.

• Respond with your kids' disappointment with support, encouragement, and empathy.
• View these experiences as valuable growth opportunities, helping them become sensitive, empathetic, caring adults.
• You can't always prevent your children from feeling sad or disappointed, but you can help them to express and cope with their emotions

Positive Effect of Single Parenting #5: Seeing Real-Life, Balanced Priorities

Children who are raised in successful single parent families know that they are the main priority in their parents' lives, yet they are not treated as though they are the center of everyone's universe. This healthy approach helps to prepare kids for the "real world."

• Help your children balance their own needs/wants with the needs of the entire family unit.
• Realize that it's okay for you as the parent to pursue needs of your own, such as the need for alone time or adult conversation.
• Teach your kids to express their needs while also considering the needs of others.

Source : Jennifer Wolf (About.com)

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