Single Parenting

myths and facts and truths about single parenting and single parent families.

Single parents and their children often have to face stigma, violence and social problems based on myths, stereotypes, half-truths and prejudices. Sometimes, the taunts can be subtle and leave subconscious effects. The best approach is to confront them and understand what is true and what is not. Some of the myths have been cross-examined

Myth: Since culturally, traditional nuclear families are the norm and predominant, single parenting is an aberration and single parents are often left lonely and isolated.
Fact: Recently, single parent families have shown a sharp rise. In U.S. alone, about 59 percent of American children have lived in a single-parent home at least once during their minor years and over 16 million children currently live in single-parent homes. They are often ‘bi-nuclear’ families, where despite divorces and re-marriages, both the parents are actively involved in parenting and offer their children two separate homes

Myth: Children from single-parent families have emotional and behavior problems and do poorly in school.
Fact: These conclusions are completely false and untainted researches by other scholars such as that of Richards and Smiege, 1993 are generally ignored. The outcomes of the oft-quoted 10-year study of Judith S. Wallerstein cannot be trusted as it started with subjects with problems such as from ones with psychological disorders or juvenile delinquents on the first hand. Children of single parents can be as healthy and emotionally secure as those from traditional families.

Myth: Single-parent families mean ‘broken homes’.
Fact: Parents who chose divorce or not marrying as a way of their life doe not necessarily mean that they are trying to make a broken home work. Many times, it turns out to be the healthiest choice to give children a peaceful and stable home environment. Positive outcomes in single-parent families are not uncommon and single parents are often more independent and multi-tasking and their children actually learn to handle greater responsibility.

The outcome of single parent families actually depends on social network and support to the family and good communication within the family. Children of divorcees can be as healthy and well-settled as other kids while they even enjoy greater stability and happiness in their marriages, as they are more adjusting and concentrate more on keeping their families intact and happy.

Myth: Being brought up in single-parent families is detrimental to children’s self-esteem.
Fact: Children’s self-esteem is linked mostly to the income level of the family. Since single-parent families also have single income coming in, they are often low-income households too and thus, children's self-esteem tend to be lower too, similar to children of low-income two-parent homes. Parents can teach resilience and self-esteem skills to their children by being a model to them, boosting their self-respect and self-nurturance and make them realize that their possessions do not determine what they are.

Myth: Families need to be self-sufficient, while single parent families aren’t.
Fact: The emphasis on self-sufficiency often produces unnecessary shame and guilt in parents who are emotionally and financially challenged, including the single parents. One has to learn to be interdependent, give and receive; taking our own responsibilities and asking for support and engaging even professional help, when needed. Parents should not become too dependent on children for social and psychological support but rather join support group for single parents as their social outlet and fun and source for emotional and child care support. Families should also engage in volunteering within the community so that they learn the balance between nurturing and being nurtured and each family member may become more mature and independent.


Source: iloveindia

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Single parent-norm in the future?

Salaam Namaste, a popular Hindi flick released late last-year popularised live-in relationships and also glamourised single parenthood! Many single parents are better educated and are able to support themselves so marriage is no longer a financial prerequisite to parenthood. Under enormous work-pressure families are splitting-up and giving rise to single parenthood.

A study indicates that a single parent raises 20 million kids in the US. Though not so marked in India, the phenomenon is no longer raising eyebrows. Even though the society has accepted it, the Government's social policy has not addressed it. According to Deepti Priya Mehrotra, a political scientist who has done her doctorate on the Women's Movement in India, single mother as a category is not recognized in the census data.

There are two versions of single parenthood reported in India; one set-in by actress Sushmita Sen, who adopted a baby whilst still single and the other, which arises under marital circumstances. J K Rowling, the British author of fabulously successful Harry Potter books, and an ambassador for one-parent families asserts, "people bringing up children single-handedly deserve not condemnation, but congratulation".

Following the footsteps of Sushmita Sen and Raveena Tandon (adopted 2 children ten years back) are the average Indian women, who are enjoying the satisfaction of becoming mothers (something that makes a woman 'complete'), even though many of them remain single. Skipping the 'attachment' of marriage and men, they are opting to become single parents - by adopting a child. The most common argument of a non-believer is that a single parent (woman) would never do justice to the child because of the social dishonor attached to unwed mothers. They are thought of as the 'bottom of the barrel'. The other thing, which stops her, is the fear of her incident death. Who would take care of the child thereafter?

In a situation, where a family has split or at the death of a parent, coping with the problems of a single-income household and finding ways to go-on sans support systems, at first is hard. Key characteristics of single-parent families are the limited resources (especially time, energy, and money) available to them. Single-parent families in today's society have their share of daily struggles and long-term disadvantages. The issues of expensive day care, shortage of quality time with children, balance of work and home duties and economic struggles are among the seemingly endless problems these families must solve.

On the brighter side, India's first case of a surrogate child was conceived of a single father. Amit Banerjee, a 46 yr old divorcee expressed his wishes and now is a proud single father. "In my 25 years of experience, this is the first time a man has come forward with a wish to father a child. This is a trend-setting example of single fatherhood in the country," says his Doctor Ghosh Dastidar.

The country's capital celebrates Annual Adoption week every November and adoption agencies point out that the number of single parents adopting children have increased. Since 1988 there have been just 12-13 single parents who have gone for adoption whereas in the past nine months, there have been three such cases.

The whole concept of a family, is undergoing a massive change, but whether it is the beginning of a revolution or not, is a question that has yet to be answered!!

Source: Pregathi K (oneindia)

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Single Parent Adoption and Women

The past few decades have brought a previously never seen and a remarkable increase in the number of families headed by single mothers. Yet, unlike the stereotypical images conjured up by the general population of an un-wed, poverty-stricken, uneducated, and abandoned young teen or woman facing parenthood alone and ostracized, an increasing number of successful single well-educated professional women in their 30's and 40's are arriving at motherhood by choice and through adoption.

Single Parent Adoption and International Adoption

Advocates note the number of both domestic and international adoptions have been steadily increasing over the last decade. However, compared to their married counterparts, citing the process of international adoption as less lengthy and the likelihood of adopting a younger child much greater, single women are more likely to pursue international adoption over domestic adoption. With domestic adoption, birth mothers are more likely to select couples over singles for their babies and age is a greater consideration with most agencies.

Single Parent Adoption and the Need to Nurture

Not unlike their married counterparts who pursue adoption, single women often pursue motherhood citing the same need and desire to love and nurture a child of their own. However, unlike married couples, the single woman faces the arduous process and costs of adoption alone and with the reality she may end up raising her child alone without a father or partner.
Many single mothers who adopt will openly share although they have chosen motherhood at this point in their lives; they are not necessarily single by choice and hope to ultimately parent their child with a partner. Others are not only comfortable with being single but choose to remain single throughout the adoption process and the raising of a child to adulthood. Faced with the reality of a ticking biological clock, numerous of them have unsuccessfully pursued intrauterine insemination with donor sperm &/or donor egg prior to pursuing adoption as the road to parenthood.

Single Parent Adoption and Society

Whereas friends, family, and society may embrace the married adoptive couple for rescuing or adopting a child and elevate them to the status of saints, single mothers are not always so readily lauded for their desire and plan to pursue motherhood through adoption. Detractors and critics will accuse the single mother of selfishness for not providing the adoptive child a father and an intact home. Others will erroneously point to and cite statistics linking single motherhood to a variety of potential social ills for their child. To pursue the consideration and possibility of adoption, a single woman may even have to develop newfound courage to conquer her own inner demons and alleviate her own previously held thoughts and beliefs about adoption.

Single Parent Adoption and Guilt

After investing so much financially and personally in fertility treatments or traveling around the world to finalize the legalities of adoption, both married and single adoptive parents may struggle with high expectations and transition to sharing their lives with a child. Single mothers can feel guilt and shame when they long for moments of solitude and the independence of their former single lives. Unlike married couples, where ‘alone time’ may not need to be scheduled or arranged well in advance, single mothers often need to make arrangements ahead of time and allocate limited financial resources to get their own “Mommy time”.

Single Parent Adoption and Support Systems

Fortunately the Internet, television, and the media have raised awareness of the issues single women face in the adoption process as well as the challenges they may deal with after placement. Furthermore, the 24/7 nature of the Internet and the availability of tremendous amounts of information and resources on the web specific to single mothers have led to an increasingly savvy and well prepared prospective adoptive mother. The successful single mother realizes it is not a sign of her weakness or an indication of failure to reach out for assistance and support. Whether via a support group for adoptive families, her personal counselor or the cyber world, she and her newly adopted child are well served by reaching out and receiving help. As she makes the transition into her new role as a mother, the guidance and information gathered from single mothers who traveled the road ahead of her assists her in watching out for known potholes and barriers, a benefit for her and her child.

It is not reasonable to assume all married couples will stay married, nor should it be presumed all singles will forever remain single. Instead advocates for adoption by single women note an individual’s character, strength and potential parenting capacity are better considered in providing a child with an adoptive home.


Source: Martha Osborne (About.com)

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Effective Discipline for Single Parents

All parents face a variety of challenges when faced with discipline. Single parents, however, face unique challenges when it comes to discipline. Being the sole enforcer of rules and then consequences and discipline can seem daunting and isn't exactly an easy job.

In addition, when you share your kids between two households, disciplinary methods used between the two households often cause confusion of rules and difficulty with discipline. One of the best ways to learn effective discipline strategies is to know the difference between Discipline and Punishment. They are not the same.

According to dictionary.com the definition for Punishment is:

PUNISHMENT: n.

1. A penalty imposed for wrongdoing: "The severity of the punishment must... be in keeping with the kind of obligation which has been violated" (Simone Weil).
2. Rough handling; mistreatment: These old skis have taken a lot of punishment over the years.

And the definition for Discipline is:

DISCIPLINE: n.

1. Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement.
2. Controlled behavior resulting from disciplinary training; self-control.

So as you can figure out, punishment is a method a parent uses to teach discipline to a child, so that the child learns to behave properly on their own through self-control. We want to teach our children to actually want to behave properly.

Here are a few examples of ways that this might be accomplished:

Clearly state your expectation. "It's time to go to bed. Turn off the T.V., brush your teeth and hop into bed." If your child does what you ask, reward him with praise (rather than a prize). "You did a great job of getting ready for bed. Thank you for listening so well." Any type of affectionate reward - lots of hugs, kisses, high fives, clapping and pats on the back, help to increase their self esteem and motivate them to do it again. If your child refuses or ignores your request, then a clear warning should be given immediately. "I'm reminding you just this one time to get ready for bed." If the warning is not heeded, then quickly enforce with an appropriate punishment. "There will not be T.V. tomorrow before bed since you chose not to get ready for bed when I asked you to". Then you have to remember to enforce it the next evening, with a gentle reminder of why.

When a child learns that you mean what you say, she will begin to understand how wonderful it can feel to her when she pleases you by listening and following directions, and how it doesn't feel so good when she doesn't. Having your approval and a peaceful loving response will become all the reward your child wants for herself - and that's effective discipline.



Source: Nicole Humphrey (families.com)

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